No More Departures
by bravevulnerability
Summary: 'She tortures herself on the walk through the airport, wonders how he's spending his Thanksgiving this year.' AU set post 5x24, 'Watershed'. Two shot for Thanksgiving.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: An AU set post 5x24, 'Watershed'.**

* * *

 _"Take me back to places I feel loved in..._

 _Strange that I'm not seeing you as often_

 _Wandering around in cities I feel lost in_

 _What if all the costs are even?"_

 _-Boston, Dermot Kennedy_

* * *

She's running late. As always.

But today, it matters. She promised her dad she would join him for Thanksgiving dinner and she only has a couple of hours to make it happen.

She should have known better than to book a flight so close to the actual date of the holiday, let alone _the day of_ Thanksgiving _,_ but she and McCord have been working this case all week and they needed the extra day-

Kate pinches the bridge of her nose while she waits for the cabin's door to open, let the passengers off the plane that's arrived over an hour late. She's been living in DC for a over six months now and she's good at her job, one of the best agents the AG office has ever had, according to her partner. But lately, especially with the holidays approaching, it's been consuming her.

And now, after two hours of sitting on a plane with too much time to herself, too much time in her own mind, the hollowness inside of her chest gapes. The loneliness gnaws at her, makes her think of him, miss him.

They never got to spend a Thanksgiving together.

Kate purses her lips and twists her finger around the chain clinging to her neck, toying with the ring it carries.

They haven't spoken since that day on the swings, when he called her to meet and asked her if she was going to take the job. She told him she was, that it was what she wanted, what she needed to do. Something settled over his face, a resignation that still haunts her, and he nodded his head, rose from his swing, and wished her the best before sealing his goodbye with a kiss to her forehead.

She should have gone after him, but instead, she remained glued to her swing, trying to breathe past the sucker punch to her gut, her heart.

It's been six months and her chest still feels bruised.

Kate rises from her seat as soon as the flight attendant gives the all clear and wishes them all a _Happy Thanksgiving_. Snagging her duffel from the overhead bin, she slings it over her shoulder and strides for the exit. She tortures herself on the walk through the airport, wonders how he's spending his Thanksgiving this year.

* * *

He was stupid to agree to a six month book tour across Europe, one that didn't conclude until the day before Thanksgiving. He's been flying for two days straight, jet lagged and desperate to make it home in time for the promised dinner with Alexis and Mother, who are already displeased by his extended absence. He's sure they're not thrilled about having to do all of the holiday cooking either. That's usually his job.

Rick taps his foot impatiently at baggage claim, waiting for his suitcase to appear on the silver carousel.

He usually loves Thanksgiving, looks forward to this time of year and the flood of holiday excitement, but this year, there's a bitterness in his mouth, the taste of loneliness on his tongue.

He clenches his fingers around the velvet box in his coat, turning it over and over and over in his hand. He's already memorized every cut and curve of the small jewelry box's perimeter, has rubbed the black velvet raw, but he can't will himself to get rid of it. He can't will himself to stop carrying it around with him.

Six months ago, he met with Kate at their swings, planning to propose to her. But the words came out all wrong, his insecurities prevailing and inquiring about the job in DC instead. It wasn't supposed to matter, he was supposed to ask her regardless, tell her how he wanted her, wanted _them_ , regardless.

But instead, he let her answer crush him. So he crushed her too.

He was wounded and he was hasty, not allowing her to explain any further, not allowing himself to hope for anything more. She wanted the job in DC, so he told himself that meant she didn't want him.

And because of that, he's spent too many nights in too many different hotel rooms, staring at the ceiling and wishing he would have just shut his mouth and stayed.

He misses her.

He presses his thumb hard to the top of the box.

He should be marrying her.

* * *

Kate rushes to the line of waiting cabs, watching it dwindle. She does not have _time_ for this. She needs to get to her old apartment, take an hour to prepare for an entire evening with her dad and all of the questions he's bound to ask despite his support, his quiet nature. He loves her, but she knows he's been worried.

Not to mention she also has to pick up the cranberry sauce.

By the time she reaches the stand, only one yellow taxi remains and she closes her hand around the door handle.

"Wait!" Her blood runs cold. She knows that voice. "Do you mind if we-"

And it seems that by the time the body it belongs to actually reaches her, is close enough to catch a glimpse of her face, it regrets calling out to her.

Kate glances up from the cab's door to see Richard Castle coming to a startled stop at her side.

* * *

His heart is pounding too loud in his ears.

"Kate."

Her name slips from his lips like a forbidden curse, breathless and choked. She looks gorgeous. Exhausted and rushed, just like he feels, but gorgeous as always. Her hair is trimmed, curls limp but still falling down around her shoulders, tangled in her scarf, the dark circles under her eyes darker, cheeks hollow. She isn't eating well, but what did he expect? She's probably been giving everything to the new job.

"Hi."

Her throat ripples. "Hi."

The cabbie honks and they both jerk. She yanks the door open, but he catches the frame as she tosses her duffel inside.

"I - can we share a cab?" he gets out, remembering the real reason he just raced across the terminal to stop the woman taking the final cab left in sight. "Thanksgiving is - Alexis is waiting, has been waiting, and I have to get home."

She bites her lip, but glances to his suitcase and sighs, calls to the driver. "Pop the trunk."

He breathes out a 'thank you' and hustles around the side of the car to haul his luggage into the trunk. Kate is already settled in the back seat once he slides inside. Her body is tense, a statue sitting as far away from him as possible.

"Go ahead," she murmurs, nodding to the driver. Castle hesitates, but gives the man his address.

"Are you sure you don't need to get to your place first?" he asks as the car shifts into drive, pulls onto the road.

"No, I have some time before I'm meeting with my dad," she explains, picking at the knee of her jeans.

Castle nods, but he can't stop staring at her. She notices.

"How's DC?"

The sharp line of her jaw tightens. "It's good. How was the book tour?"

His brow arches. "How'd you know I was-"

"I got the emails from your website," she explains with a halfhearted shrug of her shoulder. He almost wants to tease her for still being a subscriber, but it still struck him with warmth that she no longer hid her support for him and he doesn't want to risk tainting that. "Also Ryan and Esposito."

"Ah." His lips quirk. "They must miss you."

Her hand fists atop her knee. "They're fine."

He nods, twines his fingers together in his lap to refrain from fidgeting. "So was Europe."

"Just fine?" she murmurs, a chuckle attempting to form in her throat, but falling flat before it can leave her lips. "Weren't you in the most beautiful cities in the world?"

Rick shrugs. He wants to tell her how impossible it was to enjoy anything there without her, how he kept seeing her in shop windows and lines at his signings, imagining her exploring the cities with him. "I was just there to do a job."

He can feel her staring, but he doesn't say anything more.

"Did Alexis go with you?"

"No, I almost convinced her to come with me to London. She's always wanted to go, but it's just… too soon, after Paris."

What little color she has left drains from her cheeks, some of the horror from that memory flashing in her eyes, and she nods.

"Of course."

"She told me you guys talked," Castle mentions. "She skipped a therapy appointment a couple of months ago, said she called you instead."

"Just once," she confirms, splaying a hand over her thigh. "She was having nightmares and we'd talked about my PTSD before… it's all we talked about."

"It would be okay if it wasn't," he assures her, but Kate barely acknowledges him.

"And I wasn't encouraging her to skip therapy either, she was just feeling overwhelmed-"

"Kate," he murmurs, resisting the urge to reach across, cover her hand. "I know you'd never tell her to skip therapy. And I'm glad she called you."

A soft breath flutters from her mouth and she relaxes back into her seat a little more.

For a few minutes, they're quiet, breezing through afternoon traffic until they navigate deeper into the city.

"Damn parade," she sighs, rubbing at her forehead with two fingers, the spot above her brow where headaches usually fester.

Castle cranes his neck around the passenger seat. He didn't even think to factor the unending road block of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade into his travel plans. "May have to walk the rest of the way."

"Foot traffic is going to be just as bad," she grumbles, following his gaze and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The sky is cloudy today, the air cold, but streaks of sunlight filter through the grey, dance across her cheekbones and lace through her hair.

His fingers tingle with the urge to do the same.

"You look good, by the way."

Her eyes startle across the backseat to stare at him. He feels pretty startled himself, didn't exactly mean to say that aloud, especially now.

"No, I don't," she mutters, snagging the strap of her duffel bag at her feet. "And neither do you. We both look like shit."

He scoffs, runs a hand through his hair. "My fans would say otherwise."

"Your fans don't know you like I do," she points out.

He hates her a little more for being right. No one knows him like she does, in all the ways she does. He doesn't think he ever wants anyone to know him as intimately as she does.

She reaches for the door handle.

"Kate, wait," he huffs, digging in his pocket for his wallet, a few dollar bills to appease the griping cabbie. He stumbles out of the cab after her, almost forgets to grab his suitcase from the trunk. " _Kate_!"

She only has a few extra steps ahead of him and thankfully stops at the call of her name.

He jogs up to her side, suitcase trailing after him. "What, Castle?"

"We're both heading the same way, let me walk with you."

She glances up at him with her brow so deeply furrowed, face so trouble. All because of him. "Why?"

His grip tightens around the handle of his suitcase.

"Because I - I didn't know how badly I needed to run into you today," he manages, his ears burning red despite the cold. He doesn't expect the devastation to claim her face, roll through her eyes, darkening the already dulled shades of browns and greens. No gold. Those gold sparks he still dreams about have been extinguished.

"Castle, you told me goodbye," she says with grit teeth, but her voice still shakes. "You told me _good luck_ and left me alone on those swings. You ended things. Why the hell are you doing this?"

"Because it was a mistake," he growls, crowding her into an alley a few steps ahead, away from the bustling sidewalks.

"It's been six _months_ -"

"And I haven't stopped regretting it."

Kate scrapes a hand through her hair and squeezes her eyes shut. "I came here for Thanksgiving with my dad, Rick. Not for you to just-"

"Have you moved on?" Her eyes flash open, a glare hard as amber already aimed on him. "Was it ever really over for you?"

"I'm not the one who wasn't willing to try," she grinds out.

"It wasn't that I didn't want to try," he groans, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. Fuck, this is all wrong, coming out all wrong. "I didn't think you'd want me to follow you to a new life in DC," he admits without removing his hand from his eyes. "I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't. Are you _kidding_ me?" she snaps, shoving on his chest and demanding the drop of his hand and return of his gaze to her. "You follow me everywhere, you always have, and suddenly you decide it's a bad idea? Suddenly you're the one not talking and giving up on us and-"

"I never gave up," he growls, curling his hand around her bicep before she can draw her hand back. "I - Kate, I've wanted you for so long. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, in a - forever kind of way," he tries to explain, feeling like the kid he was before he became a writer, failing to accurately put his thoughts into words.

"So your solution was to break up with me?" she demands, her eyes beginning to shine. "You think I didn't feel the same about you? That it didn't scare me how much I loved you?"

"Of course, I just - wait… you - in the forever kind of way too?"

Kate rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Castle, if you would have asked me for forever, I would have given it to you."

His heart drops and the jewelry box weighs heavy in his coat pocket as she brushes past him.

* * *

Her heart is aching, physically throbbing with pain inside her chest and crying out with every step she takes away from him. She just needs to get away from him.

But he isn't going to let her go that easy. He never makes things easy.

"Kate," he yelps, tripping over his suitcase in his haste to catch up to her. "Just wait-"

"Castle, go home," she calls over her shoulder, lengthening her strides across the street. The flashing sign of a crosswalk changes behind her, signaling for pedestrians to stop, but she can hear the stupid roll of his suitcase gaining speed.

"You can't just say that and walk away," he snaps, jogging up to her side and keeping pace, much to her dismay. "We never talked about forever, not even about marriage or-"

She rounds on him, because no, she won't be blamed for this. He nearly bumps into her with his suitcase, jerks back a little at the unforgiving stab of her finger to his chest.

"Anytime I tried to talk to you, I got brushed off. I hate talking, I'm not good at it," she growls, because he _knows_ , knows how hard it is for her to express how she feels. But with him, it was different. "With you, I tried my best because you mattered. Because I _wanted_ a future with you."

"Do you still?"

Her brow immediately creases. "What?"

They're getting bumped and jostled by hustling passerby, a grocery bag full of cans likely bought for a Thanksgiving feast slamming into Castle's suitcase. He huffs and yanks the luggage closer to him. On a busy New York City sidewalk is a horrible place to have this conversation.

He reads her mind and takes a step forward, extends his hand. "Just give me five minutes."

Kate glares down at his open palm, his patient fingers, and sighs. She grabs his hand - solely to refrain from being separated in the masses of people - and allows him to lead her the rest of the way down the sidewalk.

* * *

He feels the tug of her resistance once she realizes exactly where he's leading her to.

"Castle." She stops at the edge of the empty playground. No kids today, all the usual patrons of the slides and picnic tables, the bike paths and monkey bars, gone, probably preparing for a dinner with their family or in the thick of the parade he and Kate left a few blocks behind them.

He's maintained a loose grip on her hand the entire walk through the city, afraid that if he held her too tightly, she would withdraw even further, force him to let her go all over again. But he squeezes her fingers now, thoughtlessly brushes his thumb to the naked skin of her ring finger.

"Five minutes, Kate," he reminds her, starting forward and earning the reluctant draw of her body behind him.

He parks his suitcase next to the steel leg of the swing set in the dirt, flexing his cramped fingers and wishing he would have packed lighter. He finally releases Kate's hand as he takes a seat in his usual spot, plopping down into the worn leather with a sigh.

Kate circles around him to lower into the one beside him, burying her hands in her coat pockets.

"Why did you bring me here? Alexis and Martha-"

"Are eager for me to get home and I'm eager to get back to them," he murmurs, digging his heels into the cool ground, pushing himself backwards. "But this is important."

"I'm still not sure what _this_ is," she mutters, copying him with the soles of her boots pressing into the grass and the slight back and forth sway of her body.

Rick sucks in a deep breath. "It's me asking you if you'd still want a future with me."

She's quiet for a long moment, staring out across the bare expanse of the park.

"I don't know. Does it really matter? I live in DC now, you're here, and-"

"And I can write from anywhere," he says, receiving the cut of her eyes to him.

"We haven't even seen each other for six months," she points out, pulling her hands from her coat to curl her fingers around the chains of the swing. "We aren't - even if I did, we can't just pick up where we left off."

"No, but we can start over," he tries, his heart picking up speed, because she isn't saying no. She isn't turning him down or walking away; she isn't saying that she doesn't want him. He wonders if she still loves him as much as he loves her, if they really could still have a shot at forever.

She purses her lips. "I don't want to start over."

"Then what do you want?" he asks, curious and hopeful, bridging his fingers in his lap to keep them still.

Kate tilts her head back, face to the grey sky. The breeze blows softly through her hair, freeing a few strands from her scarf and ruffling the layers around her face. Her lips quirk with the hint of a smile tinged with melancholy.

"I want us back," she whispers, her eyes fluttering closed while his heart soars. "But I don't know if it's possible."

Castle swallows, waiting for her eyes to peel open again, the jaded storm clouds of her irises having cleared just slightly.

"I think it is," he murmurs. Her head turns, cheek coming to rest against the cool chain. "You know I never stopped loving you, right?"

"Wasn't sure," she admits, her voice soft, that quiet rasp of a tone he knows from sharing secrets in bed. "I figured you had to have stopped, that it was why you broke up with me. But it didn't… feel like you did."

She drops her eyes to her lap.

"Do you realize how stupid that sounds?"

Her eyes flash back to him with offense, accusation, but he quickly raises a hand, remedies the sentence.

"I mean, hearing that I broke up with you," he chuckles, shaking his head at the nonsense. "After everything we've been through, after the years we spent not being together when all I wanted was for us to be together…" He sighs, frowns at the absurdity of it all. "My mother even told me that same day, before it happened, that I never hold back with anything, only you."

"Why?" she asks, the syllable so small coming from her mouth. "Why just me?"

He shrugs. "Because, along with Alexis, my mother, you are the most important thing, Kate. I think the reason I'm able to brush a lot of things off so easily is because I don't let myself hold on too tightly to much. But when I do… I had to scratch and claw for every inch with you, to feel like you were letting me in, but I didn't realize you had to do a bit of clawing yourself to get the same from me."

"More alike than we thought," she murmurs, her lips twitching.

Rick nods. "But you've been inside my walls for a long time, just like I was inside yours. Whether you wanted me there or not."

She hums, the first real smile he's seen from her in six months flirting with the corners of her mouth. "Mm, you don't have to remind me."

He smiles back at her, can't help it, but it dims a little with his words. "I think the more serious we got, the more I worried that maybe we were both too closed off, that we'd only end up hurting each other. Lying to me about DC felt like confirmation."

"I shouldn't have kept secrets," she murmurs, smile flipping to a frown. "It's a little late now, but I am sorry for that, Rick. It was never to hurt you."

He nods. "I know. Trust me, after having these last six months to think it over, I know I hurt myself more than you did. But I never stopped loving you, Kate," he picks up, watching her eyes flicker with the same ember of hope he feels crackling to life in his stomach. "I couldn't even if I wanted to. And I didn't, I don't."

He stands from the swing and she follows with her gaze, brow knitting.

"Where are you going?"

"Five minutes are up." He taps his watch, but she's rising too.

His rabbiting heart thumps unsteadily.

She's barely a foot away, her eyes roaming his face with a hint of desperation, flicking to his mouth. He doesn't want to say goodbye.

"When do you go back to DC?"

She swallows hard, as if he just yanked her back to reality. "Tomorrow morning. I just planned to have Thanksgiving dinner with my dad, didn't really want to stay much longer."

He nods his understanding, but Kate is taking a step closer.

"But Rachel and I did just close a big case, I technically have the rest of the week off."

"Yeah?" She bites down on her bottom lip and Castle sucks in a breath, lifts a steady hand to cup her cheek. It's useless as she sways into his touch, lashes kissing her cheeks while she covers the back of his hand, stealing every last drop of oxygen from his lungs as she nuzzles his palm. "Then stay."


	2. Chapter 2

She's drawn back into him as if he never left her. His thumb traces her cheekbone, gentle and slow, and his pulse pounds beneath the curl of her fingertips at his wrist.

Their hearts are spilled all over the swings at their backs and she feels empty, weightless in a good way. Afraid and excited and wanting.

"Stay for the rest of the week and we'll talk more, figure out how we're going to make this work. If that's what you want," he adds, so much uncertainty in his gaze when she lifts hers to meet it.

"I told you what I want," she murmurs, even though it should scare her far more than it actually does this time. She should be terrified that he's going to break her heart all over again, but she wants to believe that he's more likely to put it back together instead, make it stronger.

"I just want you," he says, echoing her words from over a year before, four words that changed everything between them. "That's all I want and whatever I need to do to-"

Kate arches on her toes, fingers snagging in the lapels of his coat as she kisses him. The wrap of his arms around her is like coming home, the seal of his body to hers like absolution. She slides her hands up his chest to cradle his face, caressing his jaw with her fingertips and stroking her thumbs over the planes of his cheeks.

"I missed you," he breathes into her mouth.

The splay of his palms burns through the fabric of her pea coat, pressing her in closer.

"You too," she whispers, nudging her nose to his cheek.

She drapes her mouth over his one more time, hums at the perfect fit of his lips against hers, the tentative sweep of his tongue to the seam of her mouth. She wants so badly to take him deeper, kiss him longer and harder and more thoroughly, but they're both at least an hour behind schedule and while dinner with her dad is flexible, his family is waiting.

Kate grazes her thumb down his chin. "You're going to be late."

He sighs, knocks his forehead into hers, and opens his eyes. He's smiling, his gaze a magnificent blue gleaming back at her, and she can't help brushing her lips over his again.

"Can I call you afterwards?" he mumbles, trailing his hands up and down the length of her spine curving into him.

She grins. "Yeah."

"Or maybe you and your dad could just come over-"

"Castle," she murmurs, curling her fingers at his ear. "I would love that, but you haven't seen your mom and daughter in six months. I'm sure they want you to themselves and besides, we need to figure us out before we drag our families into anything."

He pouts, but he knows she's right, squeezing her waist and letting out a quiet sigh.

"I'll still save you a piece of pie. Pumpkin or apple?"

Kate presses one more kiss to his mouth before she untangles herself from his arms. "Surprise me."

They part ways at the edge of the park, the sidewalk taking them separate ways, but he's already texting her after only a block of walking.

 _Thanks for sharing a cab with me._

She buries her smile in the touch of her fingers to her lips. It's Thanksgiving and she just had a brief make out with her Richard Castle at their old spot and he wants her - still wants her - in a way that lasts forever. Kate shakes her head and pockets her phone, picks up her pace down the sidewalk.

She doesn't have time to go by her old apartment, heading straight for her dad's instead. She almost forgets the cranberry sauce, walking through the upper west side with her lips still tingling and the butterflies Castle bred returning from hibernation to perch along her ribcage.

"Katie," her dad greets once she finally comes through his front door. He looks so pleased to see her, his smile warm and welcoming, his eyes creasing with joy.

"Hey Dad," she grins, stepping inside the foyer and into his embrace. He hugs her tight, firm and secure in a way that's always managed to make her feel safe. Castle isn't the only man she's missed. "Happy Thanksgiving."

He squeezes her shoulders and draws back, accepts the plastic bag of cranberry sauce with a smile.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too, honey." She follows him to the kitchen, grabs a plate for him to transfer the sauce to. "Hope you're hungry. I made our favorites."

She assesses the assortment of sides and main dish of turkey arranged on the small dining table. Her mom was the one who always did the cooking when it came to holiday gatherings in their family, but after Johanna's murder, Kate spent many Thanksgivings forgoing family dinners for holiday shifts at the Twelfth while her dad drank his. Since becoming sober, though, her father seemed to find solace in cooking, going out of his way to prepare great meals when she came over.

They don't often spend holidays together, Thanksgivings eventually becoming bearable, Christmas usually too painful even now, but Kate's grown to enjoy those that they do. She enjoys sitting down across from her dad and savoring a home-cooked meal with him, feeling like a normal family for a little while.

"This looks amazing," she praises, undoing the buttons of her coat. "Mom would be proud."

Mentioning her mother is always a risk, especially between the two of them, but her father beams at the compliment.

"Thanks, Katie." He nudges her towards the table. "How's Rick?"

She nearly drops the plate of cranberry sauce in her hands.

Kate swallows and glances to him over her shoulder, lifting an eyebrow in question. But her dad doesn't back down.

"Oh, c'mon. I'm your father, a lawyer, and you're smiling."

"I smile for you," she argues, but Jim Beckett merely rolls his eyes.

"Not like that, sweetheart. That's a smile I've only ever seen when Rick's around." Her dad maneuvers around her, plucking the cranberry sauce from her hands and carrying it the rest of the way to the table. "How long have you two been back together?"

She snags her bottom lip with her teeth, watching her dad take a seat, far too smug and proud of himself. Kate sighs and covers the last few steps to slide into the one across from him.

"An hour, maybe?" That evokes a flicker of surprise across his features. "I haven't seen Rick in six months. We ran into each other at the airport, ended up sharing a cab... we did a lot of talking."

"I'm hoping Rick did a lot of apologizing," Jim murmurs, but he isn't bitter. Her father has always liked Castle, has always shown a blend of approval and tentative affection for him, but he wasn't necessarily happy when Kate shared a brief summary of their breakup. How Rick was the one to walk away from her.

"We both did," she nods, curling her fingers around the fork beside her plate. "I'm actually going to stay the rest of the week after all."

The smirk on her dad's lips blooms.

"So, the dance continues?"

The question is already on her lips, until she remembers their last conversation about Castle, had in their favorite diner not long before her final meeting with Rick at the swings.

 _It's like we've been doing this dance for the past five years and… I mean, what happens when the music stops? That if all we were in love with was the dance?_

"The music never stopped. I don't think it ever does," she murmurs, her cheeks growing warm. She isn't one for metaphors or prose, that's Castle's job, but her dad is watching her with soft understanding, with his usual and unwavering support, and her lips curve just slightly. "And I never stopped wishing we were dancing together again."

* * *

He isn't distracted throughout dinner, per say, but after spending hours catching up with his mother and daughter, hearing all about Alexis's summer in Costa Rica and his mother's spent here immersed in the theater, after regaling them with tales of his book tour across Europe that make it sound more fun than it actually was, once the ache of missing them is filled with the remedy of their presence, he can't help getting a little antsy.

Alexis has just ascended the stairs, exhausted from the extravagant Thanksgiving dinner she and his mother dedicated an entire morning to preparing, full from the slices of pie she indulged in with him on the couch. His mother is pouring herself another glass of wine in the kitchen, sauntering towards him with her the autumn themed satin wrap swaying around her shoulders.

"So, kiddo, did you talk to Katherine at all while in Europe?"

Rick shakes his head, but the corner of his mouth is curling.

His mother notices. She takes a slow sip of her wine and tips her glass to him accusingly.

"Don't lie to me, Richard."

"I'm not," he chuckles, straightening on the sofa and meeting his mother's inquisitive gaze. Just months ago, they were in this exact same position, sitting across from one another in the living room, discussing his relationship with Kate. But tonight, his stomach isn't thick with dread and his heart isn't scorned by secrets. Tonight, he's full of good food and his chest is alight with giddiness, because just a few hours ago, he was kissing Kate by their swings after six months of wallowing across Europe without her. "We didn't talk at all until today."

Martha leans in a little more, her eyes beginning to sparkle with both intrigue and concern. He knows his mother likes Kate, has always advocated for his partner when she felt it necessary, but he also knows that there is an equal amount of trepidation when it comes to their relationship. She never interferes, but she never wants him hurt; it has him sometimes wondering if a portion of his fear in loving so wholly and completely is partially inherited from her.

Neither of them tend to be fans of commitment.

But he wants to break that cycle once and for all with Kate. He's done holding back, done hesitating; he wants to commit every piece to her.

"Our flights were both late," he begins to explain. "She was slipping into the last cab, I didn't even recognize her until I was rushing to ask if we could share it. I - didn't realize just how badly I missed her,how much I still love her," he confesses, his heart fluttering with the words. "We spent a lot of time talking and I just... I can't believe I wasted six months without her."

He's almost tempted to hold his breath for his mother's response, but her blue eyes only soften, approval spreading through the lines of her face. "It's about time, kiddo."

He huffs, but she lifts an index finger.

"I knew you two breaking up was a bad idea all along," she continues, relaxing back into the cushioned armchair and crossing her legs. "I tried to tell you-"

"You gave me vague advice about my own shortcomings."

Martha hums around another sip of her wine. "I was trying to push you in the right direction without explicitly telling you what to do, as any good mother would."

Castle sighs, but the grin is already tugging at his lips again as he rises.

"You're definitely a good mother," he murmurs, stepping forward to lean towards her, press a kiss to the top of her head. "How do you feel about me taking you and Alexis out for breakfast in the morning?"

"Sounds wonderful, darling," his mother smiles, swallowing the last of her wine. "Now, you don't have to entertain me any longer."

His brow furrows. "Entertain you?"

"Be polite, stall, whatever you prefer to call it," she says with a flourish of her hand through the air before standing. "It's getting late. Go see her and I'll see you in the morning."

He should argue, stay and keep his mother company, it's been six months, but... she's right. He _really_ wants to see Kate again.

"See you in the morning, Mother," he echoes while she starts for the stairs.

"Give Katherine my regards," she winks, turning her back on him to climb the stairs.

Castle sighs, his heart feeling as full as his stomach. He heads for the coat closet before pivoting on his heel, detouring to the kitchen. He promised her pie.

* * *

Kate is curled on her couch, watching a pre-recorded airing of the parade they avoided earlier play across her TV screen through half slit eyes.

She's lucky her apartment was free from her usual renter, her younger cousin returning home to Boston for the holidays, allowing Kate to stay in her old place for the rest of the week. It no longer feels like home, all of her furniture still intact, but most of her belongings gone, still in boxes scattered across her place in DC.

It has a strange homesickness flaring in her gut, has her missing him a little more. He was supposed to call, but she knows he's spending time with his family tonight and she's glad for it, wants Martha and Alexis to be able to enjoy his full and undivided attention after six months. But she's beginning to drift off waiting up for him.

The knock on her door has her brow creasing, her eyes sliding the rest of the way open.

She hopes it's not one of Sofia's friends thinking she's still here.

Kate pushes the throw blanket from her legs and swings them over the edge of the couch, padding across her old living room to the foyer. She checks the peephole and her heart skips.

Her fingers stumble a little over the locks, but her arm is steady as she pulls the door open. Her lips bloom into an immediate smile at the sight of Castle standing on the other side with a matching grin and a plate of mismatched pieces of pie beneath a shield of saran wrap.

"Hey," she greets, stepping back to allow him inside.

"Hey, so I know we just talked and I don't know if we're actually back together or not yet, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow to see you and well, I told you I'd save you some pie. I couldn't decide which you would like best, so I brought the pumpkin and apple, but there was also cherry and then Alexis made a cheesecake-"

Kate eases the plate from his fingers and sets it safely on the kitchen counter before turning back to him.

"We still have a lot to discuss," she murmurs the affirmation, her fingers catching in his coat pockets and tugging him forward. "But we're together."

He cradles her face in his hands and she rises on her bare toes, feels him grinning against her lips before he's humming into her kiss. She gets lost in the tangle of his hands in her hair, the sweep of his tongue to her lips, past them when she opens her mouth, yearning for more. She's missed many things about him, but especially the way he kisses her, like he's trying to unravel her with solely the work of his mouth and caress of his tongue.

Kate fists her fingers in the handholds of his coat pockets, feels something poke against her palm.

She parts from his mouth for a breath, dips her fingers further into his pocket out of curiosity. She frowns as they drag across velvet that feels scraped raw.

"What is this?" she mumbles, curling her hand around the small box, drawing it out of his coat pocket.

He freezes against her, forehead bumping hers as he jerks his gaze downwards.

"Kate," he chokes, still a little breathless from kissing her. "Don't-"

But she's already flipping the top of the worn jewelry box open, revealing a ring inside, platinum and covered in a delicate assortment of diamonds that glitter in the low light of her apartment. Her mouth goes dry.

"Who's is this?" she whispers, unable to tear her eyes away from the engagement ring. It looks brand new, never worn, definitely not matching the battered state of its box.

"I - it was supposed to be yours," he confesses and her eyes fly up to meet his. "I bought it back when we were dating and that day on the swings when we broke up... it just went all wrong. I wanted to marry you, Kate."

* * *

She greeted his unexpected arrival on her doorstep with giddiness, with renewed desire that lit the hope in his chest and fed the need twisting through his stomach. Their talk on the swings earlier went better than he ever could have hoped for and they may not be starting over completely, but things feel wiped clean between them, all of the messy hurt he bestowed upon them both finally healing. But now, all of that fades away, swallowed by her wide eyes staring up at him.

"You..." Kate glances back to the opened jewelry box in her hand, the engagement ring sparkling back at her. "Why do you have it now?"

"I didn't mean to bring it, I just - I always have it on me." Castle runs a hand through his hair. "It's stupid, I know-"

"Even in Europe?" she asks on an exhale, some of the shock receding from her features.

He sighs, but nods. "Yeah. I don't know why, but I couldn't - I can't let it go."

"I carry my mom's ring, you carry mine," she mumbles, brushing her thumb over the decimated surface of the box. His heart seizes at the comparison. "Reminder of what you lost?"

The memory is still sharp in his mind, sitting beside her in those first few months, her hair short and stained auburn, her fingers curled around the delicate chain, the ring it held, letting him see for the first time.

 _This is for the life that I lost._

Shit. He never made the connection, but is that... is that what he's been doing this entire time?

"I - I guess so," he gets out, watching her touch the glittering band with the tip of her finger. "But I think it's time I stop holding onto it now."

Her gaze flickers back to him, a question tinged with uncertainty in her eyes.

Rick reaches for her hands, gently easing the box shut and closing her fingers around it.

"Keep it."

Her throat bobs with a swallow. "Castle, I'm not ready for-"

"No," he chuckles, withdrawing his hands. "I'm not asking you to marry me. Well, not yet anyway. I know it's too soon, but for the record, Kate, I will be ready when you are."

She lowers her eyes to the box in her hand, stroking her thumb to the surface as he has too many times to count in the past six months.

"You really think we'll get married after all this?" she asks, returning her gaze to him and chewing on her bottom lip. But she doesn't look doubtful or sardonic. She looks like she wants him to say yes.

"I do," he says with confidence. "So hold onto the ring, give it back to me when you think the timing's right, put it on yourself - do whatever you want. But it's yours."

Her lips quirk and she lets the box disappear within the embrace of her palm. "Okay, but Castle?"

Her hand is warm on his chest, spilling heat over the space above his heart. She curls her fingers over the spot, claiming, and he covers his hand with hers.

"You didn't lose me." Their fingers twine and Kate lets their laced hands fall between them as she draws him back towards her bedroom. "I never stopped loving you either."

* * *

He flies out to DC every weekend, sometimes extending his stays for an extra few days or flying out at the last minute just because he needs to see her. His daughter's eyes roll every time she finds him packing a bag with haste, but the exasperated gesture eventually begins to hold affection.

"As long as you're happy, Dad," she tells him. "As long as she makes you happy."

He is and she does.

A long distance relationship is far from easy, factor in her job and it's even more difficult, but he'll do it every day for as long as necessary if he has to. He'll happily take it over being without her.

"No, Castle, don't waste your money," Kate chuckles over the phone, the sounds of traffic blaring in the background. "Just wait."

"What's the point of having money if I can't spend it on what I want?" he complains, pacing in front of his desk, debating. She's coming home for Christmas on Friday, staying for an entire week, and then he's flying back with her for New Year's. But it's Tuesday and he would much rather be in her quaint but charming house in DC than alone in his office.

Besides, he has business to attend to in the nation's capital. He has at least two apartments he's looking into and wants to visit in person.

"Rick, it's nearly midnight," she huffs, but the loud honk of a car horn muffles the point of her sentence.

"Yeah, where are you?" he questions with an arch of his brow. "Ooh, are you going to meet Rachel to investigate another top secret case?"

"No, I'm trying to get home," she grumbles, but it doesn't make sense.

"Your street is never that noisy."

He can practically feel her smirk across the line, hears it in her voice. "I know."

It all clicks.

Castle nearly stumbles over his desk in his haste to get to the door. He steps into the first pair of shoes he can find by the front door and jogs down the hall, forgoing the elevator in favor of the stairs. He's spilling out into the freezing December air, onto the sidewalk, moments later. Just as Kate is reaching for the door to his building's lobby.

She's wearing his ring on her finger.


End file.
